Ernest Hemingway would have died rather than have syntax. Or semicolons. I use a whole lot of half-assed semicolons; there was one of them just now; that was a semicolon after “semicolons,” and another one after “now.”
And another thing. Ernest Hemingway would have died rather than get old. And he did. He shot himself. A short sentence. Anything rather than a long sentence, a life sentence. Death sentences are short and very, very manly. Life sentences aren’t. They go on and on, all full of syntax and qualifying clauses and confusing references and getting old. And that brings up the real proof of what a mess I have made of being a man.
❝ The past is a pebble in my shoe.
— Edgar Allan Poe
❝ So I keep living. I go on. I can’t shake the sadness. I can’t pretend it away, so I welcome it. I let it inside and give it a nice place to sit and I let it be. I keep myself occupied. I work. I eat pastrami sandwiches for the first time. I go to a concert. I talk to friends. I make myself tired and uncomfortable because I know it’s good for me. If I laugh at someone’s joke or meet new people, I am toning my life-muscle. Because being alive means being sad sometimes, and feeling that is better than nothing at all. If I go home with this mindset, return to sadness, I can be better. “I know,” I say locking the door and feeling sadness bereft and panicked behind me, “I know.”
Quiet and pain. Quiet and thinking. I am busy having the best time of my life. I am busy realizing that I want very much to be alive, in every way. Don’t ask me if I’m dating, don’t try to make me feel better, don’t banish my sadness or try to understand it — let it be.
❝ Whenever you think or you believe or you know, you’re a lot of other people: but the moment you feel, you’re nobody-but-yourself.
❝ Don’t ask for guarantees. And don’t look to be saved in any one thing, person, machine, or library. Do your own bit of saving, and if you drown, at least die knowing you were heading for shore.
❝ Everything I’ve ever let go of, has claw marks on it.
❝ Always remember that the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading. People like a show.
— Terry Pratchett, Going Postal
❝ I refuse to go into a froth or panic, because corporations and governments know about me — especially since nothing on Earth will prevent elites from seeing. But we have to become ferociously determined that we will be empowered to look back! If the public has the means — and habits — of sousveillance, protecting whistle blowers, for example, then all future conspiracies will have to remain small, because they’ll be able to trust only a few shadows and a few henchmen at a time.